14 December 2010


I haven't posted anything here for a while. Not that I haven't thought about it constantly, but it seems like there's been some sort of block. I don't know what it is. Alysia says it might have something to do with my brain thinking it's time to move on whether I want to or not. I think there's something to that. For whatever reason, last october the words just poured out, I could barely hold them back. But now they are less, though I still dream about Nate all the time, miss him all the time. We speak forgotten words in strange landscapes that look kind of like his family's house in Alpharetta, only much bigger, darker, twisted somehow.

But what else is there to say? I remember all these times we spent together, times gone. I stood by his casket until they told me to leave, said tearful words at a podium to his family and friends. They were the worst times of my life, and I remember how awful this time last year was, just about two months after.

And things move on, not easily, but inexorably onwards.

I'm still here, as whoever you are reading this. I took a philosophy class in college and got into a brief discussion with Nate about proof of existence, or something like that. I asked him how he knew he was really here, and he responded that of course he's real. Solidly and absolutely.

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